There are often times when I find myself surrounded by people wishing I wasn't there; wishing I were almost anywhere but there. I'll usually give myself a pep talk to try to get myself into the conversation so people don't start asking, "what's wrong?" There is nothing wrong; I would rather just be home by myself not trying to make small talk over things I have no interest in talking about.
Then there are times where all I want to do is go out and see every person I know. I'll text nearly everyone I can think of to make sure they're all going out. Interaction with others is a necessary and (usual/ commonly and regular/ healthy) part of life, but sometimes I go out of my way to make the effort to make sure I will be surrounded by people I care about.
If this sounds like you, here are some more examples of what it's like being a (friendly and talkative) shy person (or social shy person if that's the term you like better) is like.
1. You have no problem talking to strangers but when the conversation is just small talk you'd rather just go back to being alone.
You can hold a conversation mostly, but small talk doesn't keep your brain started/working at the conversation. Small talk is light and fun, but we like more deep conversations. Not to say we won't ever start/work at small talk, because we do, that's part of life, but we always try to push it a little bit further and dig deeper. We want to the conversation to lead to us actually getting to know the person.
2. If you're not comfortable in a group of people you keep to yourself in the back.
You love being surrounded by people, but generally only be people you're comfortable around. Being around a different group of people makes you feel awkward and might even give you a little social fear and stress.
3. You have days where you want to talk to everyone and days where you don't want to be contacted.
Some days you want to be texting all your friends and making plans whereas other days you ignore everyone. It just depends on the day; there is no real explanation other than you have two opposite ways to recharge and you need a balance of both. If you spend too much time around people you are dying to get back to the comfort of your own home. But if you spend too much time alone you desire being around others.
4. You prefer meaningful conversation.
Like I said, small talk is not important to us. It makes us more uncomfortable, especially when the conversation goes nowhere, like usual. When we have a conversation we want to get to know you, the real you. We want to have something engaging and meaningful to talk about. Deep conversation is what it's all about.
5. You're always wrapped up in your own head.
You're always thinking, alone and with people. Your brain goes a million different directions, whether it's thinking about something you have to do next week or something you forgot to ask a friend there is always something on your mind. You also often give yourself pep talks when you need some (desire to do something/reason for doing something).
6. Sometimes it's really hard to get us out.
Because what if it isn't fun or isn't worth it? I'd probably end up regretting getting up and leaving behind my books and laptop. But what if it's the best time and everyone's talking about how fun it is? There are nights when you don't want to do anything and nights when you want to do everything.
7. Just because you like being alone doesn't mean you like being lonely.
There is a total difference between the two. You like being alone because you choose to be alone. But you don't like being alone because you don't have anyone there for you. Being alone and spending time doing your own thing is what makes you happy, but being with people also makes you happy. Being lonely makes happy (by meeting a need or reaching a goal) nothing and completely kills both moods.
8. You enjoy listening to others.
You enjoy listening to others because sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you. Even when you don't have anything to say, you listening helps someone out because they know you're involved. But listening to someone who has something going on engages us because we feel important, like we are doing something good for someone.
9. You're (in a picky way where only certain things are selected) social.
You enjoy being social, but you don't want to be social with everyone. People that are involved in a lot of drama are completely out of your interest range. You don't enjoy talking negatively about others and you'd rather avoid people who do. It makes you very uncomfortable.
10. You make new friends easily, but have a harder time maintaining those friendships.
Making friends is no problem for you. When you're out you love being out. You talk to people, you're social and you're happy. But after the night out is over and you wake up the next morning the importance of maintaining that friendship isn't very high. Whether it be because you don't feel like texting anyone or because you don't want to leave the house it's the maintenance that is the real struggle for you.
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