Relationships are tough. Marriage is a tough bitch. And it’s certainly not for everyone. As a lawyer, I have handled a few divorces. Thank goodness there is such an alternative for people trapped in horrible circumstances. But if you’re inclined to weather sickness and health, richer and poorer — and even if you’ve just met the person with whom you want to be in a longterm romance — bring a short memory and a long sense of humor. You’re gonna need it.
1. Burn your blueprint.
Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They’re not helping. There is no script, so don’t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.
2. Forgive.
Didn’t Jesus say something about forgiving someone not just seven times but seventy times seven? That would be 490 times….which should last you through your first 6 months. Jesus underestimated because, remember, he wasn’t married.
3. And forget.
If you forgive but don’t forget, did you really forgive? I know people who claim to have forgiven but still use every available opportunity to bring it up. And if you don’t want to forgive, forgetting works just as well.
4. Be a good teammate.
Life can come at you hard. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is being able to have someone else in the bunker when you’re getting shelled.
5. Grow.
If you still have the same desires, opinions and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, that’s your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.
6. And adapt.
Even if you stagnate, the person you’re in a relationship with will change. Don’t fight it. Embrace it, learn from it, be thankful for it.
7. Find your faith.
There is great comfort in believing in something or someone beyond our crude human existence. Explore this belief. Take this journey together.
8. Travel together.
Travel forces couples to rely on one another in unpredictable ways. It will also broaden your worldview and the way you value your relationship.
9. Travel separately.
I want to go to Australia and you want to go to Maine? Cool. Take lots of pictures. See you in a week.
10. Develop your own interests.
It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.
11. Cultivate a wide, diverse circle of friends.
One of the greatest joys of living is meeting new people. And many of the people you meet will likely make you appreciate your mate even more.
12. Don’t keep score.
I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Don’t do this. It’s exhausting. And childish.
13. Exercise.
You owe it to each other to be in the best physical health possible. The mental side effects from exercise will also be beneficial.
14. Practice self-awareness.
Take frequent looks in the mirror. Reflect on who you are and the contributions you are making to your relationship. Are you being judgmental? Unfair? Harsh? Hypercritical? Defensive?
15. Admit that you’re wrong (even, on occasion, when you aren’t).
This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and it’s just the right thing to do.
16. Celebrate accomplishments big and small.
Whether it’s a promotion at work or the police officer let you off with just a warning, find every occasion possible to toast your good fortune.
17. Surprise one another.
Fill up her car. Let him sleep alone in the bed once in a while. Buy some bacon.
18. It’s the good little things.
Holding the door, suggesting a movie night, paying attention. The reward for these is greater than the sum of the parts.
19. And it’s the bad little things.
Cracking your knuckles, spitting, clearing your throat, picking your nose, chewing ice. These are death by a thousand cuts to your relationship.
20. Cultivate your finer qualities.
When do you ever have an opportunity to really work on qualities that make you a better person? In a strong relationship, you can do it every single day. Qualities like patience, loyalty, compassion, trust.
21. The bathroom is private.
If you think it’s quaint to brush your teeth while I use the toilet, you’ll change your mind about that eventually. Trust me.
22. Talk about sex (but not just right before, during, or right after).
Sex is an important part of any relationship. But for some reason couples don’t want to discuss it unless they are in the throes of passion. Don’t make sex a taboo subject.
23. Encourage each other.
We all have insecurities. Your relationship is one place where you should be completely free to reveal these and your spouse should help you overcome them.
24. It’s okay to have secrets.
Even George Bailey slipped Violet Bick a $20 bill every now and then.
25. Avoid subtext.
This is a cowardly way to communicate. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t hint about it.
26. Put it down.
The toilet seat. Her cell phone. The beat.
27. Pick it up.
Your dirty sock. Your used tissue. The pace.
28. Don’t over-romanticize past (or future) relationships.
You weren’t that great and your ex isn’t that hot.
29. Never use the “s” word.
Don’t call each other “stupid.” That’s just stu…. not wise.
30. Offer solutions, not criticism.
Anyone can criticize. A good teammate (See Rule 4) will offer a way out.
31. Read.
To escape or to expand. Either way, it helps.
32. You are equals.
It doesn’t matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesn’t even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.
33. Compliment each other.
Sincerely and often.
34. Respect each other’s friends.
You know your wife’s loud mouthed, insane friend Cathy who thinks you have weak bullshit and can’t believe you married her BFF? See below.
35. Know when to keep your mouth shut.
No list would be complete without the “Do these jeans make my butt look big?” lesson.
36. Indulge each other’s passions.
Scrapbooking doesn’t count.
37. Lose your arbitrary moral code.
This list alone proves that I am the king of the double standard. When I want to spend money on a new set of golf clubs, it’s a good investment. When my wife wants to spend money on new kitchen countertops, she’s a profligate. It’s not exactly fair.
38. Respect space and time.
Have we not evolved as a species or watched enough Dr. Phil to realize our mate does not want to answer the question “How was your day?” the minute he/she walks in the door?
39. Take pride in your appearance.
Your marriage license doesn’t give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.
40. Maintain good hygiene.
Could your big toenail puncture a snow tire? Could your breath peel wallpaper? Take care of that, please. I don’t want to have to tell you again.
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41. Ask before you throw it away.
Don’t touch that broken, ceramic, animated cactus tequila shot glass holder. I’m serious.
42. Invite his/her family to special gatherings.
At least once. Thankfully, this may be all you need.
43. Speaking of family, everyone gets a holiday card and a birth announcement.
Even your creepy Uncle Steve and their psycho cousin Lisa.
44. Don’t be petty.
So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?
45. Be self-sufficient.
Learn to do your own laundry. Know how to cook a meal; how to navigate the grocery store; how to make an online purchase; how to turn off the water to the house; how to erect a Nerf basketball hoop; how to unclog a toilet.
46. Everything is fair game for a joke.
This should be at the heart of everything you do. I have not found a single thing that I have been unable to eventually laugh about. If you know this from the beginning, it makes things a lot more fun.
47. Have good manners.
Don’t yell. Open the door. Help carry the groceries. Cover your cough. Hold your gas.
48. Be responsible with money.
No one lives on love. You need money. If you earned it, you will almost certainly respect it. If you didn’t earn it, you must respect it even more.
49. Remember to say thank you.
Even and especially when things don’t seem like they need to be acknowledged.
50. Adapting beats abandoning.
There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? 10 years?
When it comes to grabbing something quick that can quench your thirst in the most satisfying way possible, plain old water sometimes just doesn’t cut it. And if you consider yourself to be a relatively health-conscious individual, you’re likely not the type of person who regularly grabs a sugar-filled bottle of juice or an aspartame-ridden can of diet soda.
You already know that stuff’s bad for you. And besides, there are lots of other healthy beverage alternatives out there that taste great too. Or are there?
There certainly are a lot of choices out there, but you can’t always believe what advertisers say these days to get you drink their products. Phrases that suggest health benefits like “all natural” and “low-calorie” don’t exactly mean what you think it means, which is why it’s up to you to educate yourself about proper nutrition and read more of what’s included on product packaging labels.
Here are eight popular types of beverages most people think to be pretty okay or even healthy, but they might be surprised to discover that they’re actually much better off by ditching most of these entirely and replacing them with other beverages or foods that do a better job at keeping hydrated and offering nutritional value.
1. Almond Milk
Almond milk has quickly become everyone’s favorite alternative to cow’s milk. It’s affordable, it tastes good, it goes great with smoothies, and it’s an ideal choice for those who are sensitive to dairy. Derived from almonds, some fans of the drink are led to believe that they offer all or most of the nutritional benefits of the actual nut itself.
As it turns out, almond milk is only made up of about two percent of real almonds, therefore lacking most of the healthy fat, protein, vitamins, and minerals you get from eating the nuts in their solid form. As if that weren’t depressing enough, some types of almond milk have added sugar to sweeten them up, burdening you with more unnecessary and empty calories.
You’re better off drinking a cold glass of water and snacking on a handful of raw almonds. Even for an extra 160 calories or so, at least you’ll be satiated and get the full nutritional benefit of what almonds have to offer.
2. Zero-calorie Drinks
Anyone who used to be a fan of soda of juice is usually a fan of zero-calorie drinks and drink mixes. You know, they’re either those little packets of powder you add to your water to make them taste like juice, or they’re already flavored and sold in cans or bottles at the grocery store.
Obviously, the “zero-calorie” component makes it an attractive choice in comparison to full-calorie drinks. People think they can drink as much of this stuff as they want and never gain a pound.
Shockingly enough though, your body is smarter than that. When it senses something sweet being consumed, it anticipates calories. Since these super sweet drink mixes don’t have any calories, your body gets confused, and then ramps up your hunger hormones so you start to crave high-calorie foods like chips, crackers, cookies, and anything else you can quickly shove into your mouth.
Try squeezing some lemon or lime into some sparkling water for a change. It may not be as sweet as you like, but at least it won’t lead to terrible cravings later on.
3. Energy Drinks
Everyone knows at least one person who can’t get through his day without a Red Bull, Rockstar, or Monster Energy drink. He swears it gives him the kick they need to stay alert and get through all the crazy things he needs to do, especially if he’s been running low on sleep lately. It’s a sugar and caffeine addict’s dream beverage.
You might get a nice short-term burst of energy from one of these drinks, but you’ll probably crash later on — if not from the caffeine, then certainly from all that sugar. Just like other caffeinated and sugar-filled beverages, energy drinks can be highly addictive, sometimes causing you to suffer nasty side effects like the jitters, increased anxiety, and more headaches or migraines.
Try a protein-packed smoothie mixed with a healthy carbohydrate (like whole fruit) instead of reaching for another Red Bull. A lack of protein is a pretty common cause of fatigue, and lucky for you, it’s an easy fix.
4. Sports Drinks
Gym rats, endurance runners, and people who do a lot of physically demanding work often rely on drinks like Gatorade and Powerade. For a while now, they’ve been successfully positioned in the market as the best drinks for rehydrating and replenishing electrolytes.
The bad news about these types of drinks is that most of them contain high-fructose corn syrup, too much sodium, and almost just as much sugar as soda. Similar to energy drinks, sports drinks can also cause you to experience a short burst of great performance followed by a plummeting crash.
Unless you’re spending all day trekking through a hot dessert on foot, you don’t need this type of drink. The trick is to hydrate (with plain water) and feed yourself enough healthy carbs and protein before you work out. Adding a very small amount of unprocessed sea salt to your water as you sip on it through your workout can be a helpful option too, but not totally necessary unless you’re working out for a prolonged period.
5. Coffee Drinks
Alright, so most people probably know on some level that their favorite Starbucks drink isn’t all that healthy. For some reason, though, tons of people are still convinced it’s a good idea to use all the calories that come packed into their lattes, cappuccinos, and macchiatos to replace real food for breakfast.
You may be getting an 800-calorie burst of sweet, frothy energy, but the quality of those calories earn you an F in terms of nutrition. All that saturated fat from cream-based ingredients plus sugar-loaded syrups and flavoring leave you with empty calories devoid of any significant nutritional value, plus the tendency to cause you to crash and feel sluggish later on.
If you absolutely can’t give up coffee, try switching to drinking it black and limiting how much you consume. Get your calories from real food that includes protein, complex carbs, and ideally fiber too. An example would be a piece of whole wheat toast with peanut butter, plus an apple.
6. Freshly Squeezed Fruit Juice
What could be so bad about freshly squeezed fruit juice? The general assumption is that it’s healthier than the stuff you buy preprocessed in cartons, jugs, bottles, and cans. Juicing your own fruits (and even veggies) means you get the fresh stuff without all the added sugar, preservatives, and other nasty junk that often gets mixed into the store-bought stuff.
There’s just one big problem with juicing, though. You miss out on fiber, which keeps you fuller longer and prevents that blood sugar spike you experience from eating stuff that’s far too sweet. Sure, you get most of the vitamins and minerals from using fresh ingredients, but you basically just end up consuming pure sugar, which really needs to be balanced with fiber.
You have two options to fix this: either start consuming your fruits and veggies whole, or switch from juicing to making smoothies. Just drop the full fruit or veggie into a blender with some other ingredients, water, and ice, and you’ll still get the benefit of the whole thing in liquid form.
7. Vitamin Water
The appeal behind certain brands of vitamin-infused beverages is pretty self-explanatory. If it has vitamins, it’s got to be healthier than pretty much any other drink, right? That’s exactly what the companies that produce and sell them want you to think.
It’s true that vitamin beverages have vitamins added to them, but don’t think for a second that it makes up for all the other junk you can find added to them too. For example, one bottle of Vitaminwater contains a whopping 33 grams of sugar. That’s even more than what you get from the average can of soda.
If you really want vitamins, try asking your doctor for an appropriate supplement. Or better yet, eat a balanced diet of real and healthy foods, and drink lots of water. You can’t a better mix of nutrients from anywhere else other than a variety of fresh plant-based foods and lean sources of protein.
8. Coconut Water
There’s a big trend in the health and fitness world concerning coconut water these days. To be specific, health fanatics and super athletes believe it to be the Holy Grail of hydration and a natural, low-calorie alternative to sports drinks for being so high in potassium.
This is one drink that there’s been a lot of debate over lately. The health benefits that coconut water has to provide are actually hugely exaggerated, and chugging a bottle of the stuff while you workout or after you’re done isn’t any better than eating something with sodium or potassium before you work out, like a banana, in addition to drinking plenty of water.
Some athletes swear by it, though. So if you love coconut water and you think it helps, you can keep drinking it — just don’t entirely depend on it in place of real food and plain water, and make sure you choose a brand that doesn’t add any sweeteners or use a concentrate instead of the fresh stuff.
Surprised by some of the items on this list? You’re not the only one.
It’s a good idea to avoid most of these beverages and switch to some of the suggested healthier substitutes instead, but that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge once in a while. Anything is fine in moderation, and self-deprivation is never part of a healthy lifestyle, so if you can’t completely give up your Starbucks lattes or freshly squeezed orange juice, consider treating yourself once or twice a week.
There is a lot of advice online about being more productive and time management apps are popping up by the day. This is because more people than ever are facing sleep deprivation and often insomnia, due to the ease of access to communication tools and technology. Sleep is one of the most important things in our lives as it can increase our learning speed, helps us remember more information, and allow us to be happier individuals in general.
But… the biggest bottleneck that few of us attempt to improve is our morning habits. If you want to become more productive and effective during your day, then you need to optimize your morning habits. How we structure and spend the first few hours of each day will determine how the rest of our day will play out, and how effective we can be in our lives.
Luckily, there are simple and easy-to-implement habits that you can do today to increase your productivity for the day, and for the rest of your life.
1. Wake up next to sunlight
Studies have shown that those lacking sleep and suffering from insomnia is mostly due to artificial light confusing our internal clocks. When a group of individuals suffering from sleep deprivation went on a camping trip without exposure to artificial light or alarm clocks, their sleep inertia rapidly disappeared within days.
The conclusion from researchers was that the best way to fall sleep sleep and improve the quality of your sleep is to be next to natural sunlight, which is also helpful for waking up in the morning naturally.
2. Meditate
There’s a lot of advice online on how to approach meditation, and it can seem overwhelming to someone who’s never experienced it. The truth is: there’s no one way to meditate. Everyone has a different approach.
While the methods of meditation vary, the benefits are clear. Meditation reduces our anxiety levels, increases our productivity, and even improves our memories. Studies have shown that after a 20-minute meditation session, our brains are more focused and less distracted, which allows us to remove multi-tasking, achieve our goals for the day faster, and become a top performer.
3. Automate your decisions
We only have so much willpower in a typical day. In order to effectively use our willpower towards the tasks that matter, it’s better to minimize the number of decisions we make in the morning. Most of us go through the same routines in the morning, but there are always routines we can automate.
Can you picking out your outfit before bedtime, eat the same breakfast each morning, waking up earlier to avoid route changes, and more? This may seem boring at first, but you’ll be surprised how morning automation can provide you the flexibility to be more productive and spontaneous throughout the rest of your day.
4. The “One Thing”
According to Gary Keller, the author of The One Thing, the best way to prioritize our never ending to-do lists is to pick “the Domino Effect”. The Domino Effect is when a task that you complete or an action you take, will make everything else on your list easier to complete or even unnecessary.
For example, if your goal is to learn Spanish before travelling to South America this year, is it worth paying a $1,000 to go to a language school for 3 months to learn everything about the language? Or is it better to focus your time, energy, and money on learning the common Spanish phrases you’ll use with a native speaking professional teacher from South America for less than $150? The second is the right choice.
Take a look at your to-do list. How necessary or important are each of the tasks in achieving your end goals? Then pick only one from the list that will create a Domino Effect for you, and block out time on your calendar to achieve it.
5. Do the hardest thing first
As we mentioned before, most human beings (unless you’re Elon Musk), have a limited amount of willpower, creativity, and energy in a day. This study done on the human brain shows that our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for creativity, is the most active when we wake up. This explains why creatives, such as writers or designers, do their best work early in the morning upon waking up.
If this is true, then we must organize our morning schedule to do the hardest, if not the most creative task first thing in the morning. This allows us to most effectively use our brain capabilities and free up brain space to complete tasks that require less creativity or willpower throughout the rest of the day, such as editing, sending emails, phone calls, etc.
6. Prepare the night before
While this is a post about morning habits, how we spend our night has a massive impact on our productivity the following day. The biggest impact is preparation. Before you head off to bed, take 15-20 minutes to pick your most important tasks and schedule them in your calendar. The reason why scheduling is so important is because you can manage for time and how long a single task will take, which is very difficult to do on a typical to-do list.
7. Hot and Cold Hydrotherapy
Although not common in North America, Cold and Hot Hydrotherapy is enjoyed not only as a luxury in Finland, but a necessity. Several studies show that hot and cold hydrotherapy has multiple benefits for our health, including reduced stress, stronger immune system, increased ability to burn fat, and even fighting depression.
The method is rather simple. Simply shower and wash yourself the way you would normally in normal temperature water. Then, crank the nozzle to the coldest possible temperature and wait for 30 seconds. From there, crank the nozzle to the hottest possible temperature you can handle and hold for 30 seconds. And lastly, go back to cold temperature, and hold for 30 seconds.
Fair warning: if you’re not used to shocking your body in the morning, this may be a difficult approach to adopt at first, but it becomes easier and easier over repetition, like most things. This wakes you up quickly and effectively.
Now Your Turn
Which of the morning routines we’ve outlined will you try out?
What were your key takeaways from the morning routines of the successful?
We’d love to hear it in the comments below.
It’s a fact; a person with ADD is hard to love. You never know what to say. It’s like walking through a minefield. You tiptoe around; unsure which step (or word) will be the one that sets off an explosion of emotion. It’s something you try to avoid.
People who have ADD/ADHD are suffering. Life is more difficult for them than the average person. Everything is intense and magnified. Their brilliant minds are constantly in gear creating, designing, thinking and never resting. Imagine what it would feel like to have a merry-go-round in your mind that never stops spinning.
From emotional outbursts to polar opposite extremes; ADD presents several behaviors that can be harmful to relationships. ADD is a mysterious condition of opposites and extremes. For instance, when it comes to concentration, people with ADD cannot concentrate when they are emotional or when their thoughts are distracted. However, when they are interested in a specific topic, they zone in so deep that it’s hard to pull them out of that zone. Starting a project is a challenge; but stopping it is an even bigger challenge.
True love is unconditional, but ADD presents situations that test your limits of love. Whether it’s your child, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or soon-to-be spouse, ADD tests every relationship. The best way to bring peace into both your lives is to learn a new mindset to deal with the emotional roller-coaster that ADD brings all-day-every-day.
Understanding what a person with ADD feels like will help you become more patient, tolerant, compassionate, and loving. Your relationships will become more enjoyable and peaceful. This is what goes on in the mind of a person with ADD/ADHD:
1. They have an active mind
The ADD brain doesn’t stop. There’s no on/off switch. There are no brakes that bring it to a halt. It is a burden that one must learn to manage.
2. They listen but don’t absorb what is being said
A person with ADD will look at you, hear your words, watch your lips move, but after the first five words their mind is on a journey. They can still hear you speak, but their thoughts are in outer space. They are thinking about how your lips are moving or how your hair is out of place.
3. They have difficulty staying on task
Instead of keeping the focus on what’s in front of them, people with ADD are staring at the colors in the painting on the wall. Like walking through a labyrinth, they start moving in one direction, but keep changing directions to find the way out.
4. They become anxious easily
As deep thinkers, they are sensitive to whatever is going on around them. Being in a noisy restaurant can sound like you are standing in the front row at a Metallica concert. A depressing news snippet can set them into end-of-the-world mode.
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5. They can’t concentrate when they are emotional
If there is something worrisome going on, or if they are upset, a person with ADD cannot think of anything else. This makes concentration on work, conversation, and social situations almost impossible.
6. They concentrate too intensely
When the doors of their mind open, the person with ADD dives in like a scuba diver jumping into the deep ocean.
7. They have difficulty stopping a task when they are in the zone
And under the deep ocean is where they stay for hours. Even when their oxygen is running low, if they are enjoying the view, they won’t come up for air until they’re almost out of oxygen.
8. They are unable to regulate their emotions
For a person with ADD, their emotions are flying wild, out of proportion and cannot be contained. The tangled wires in their brilliant brains make thought and feelings difficult to process. They need extra time to get their systems up and running properly.
9. They have verbal outbursts
Their intense emotions are hard to regulate. Since they impulsively say whatever they think, they often say things they later regret. It’s almost impossible for them to edit their words before they release them.
10. They have social anxiety
Feeling uncomfortable knowing that they are different, people with ADD are often uncomfortable in social situations. They are afraid they will say something foolish or react inappropriately. Holding back feels safer.
11. They are deeply intuitive
For people with ADD, the surface is an invisible exterior that they penetrate. They see beyond it. This is the most enjoyable aspect of ADD. This inspirational trait is what makes creative geniuses. Inventors, artists, musicians, and writers thrive in this zone.
12. They think out of the box
Another wonderful aspect of ADD is that because they think differently, their abstract minds see solutions to problems that the concrete thinker cannot see.
13. They are impatient and fidgety
Annoyed easily, wanting things to happen immediately, and constantly playing with their phones, twirling their hair, or bouncing their leg up and down; a person with ADD needs constant motion. It’s a calming Zen activity for them.
14. They are physically sensitive
Pencils feel heavy in their hand. Fibers in fabric that most people wouldn’t feel can be itchy. Beds are bumpy. Food has textures you can’t imagine. Like The Princess and the Pea, they can feel a pea under twenty mattresses.
15. They are disorganized
Piles are their favorite method of organizing. Once a task is complete, papers related to it are placed in a pile, where they stay until the piles grow too high. That’s when the person with ADD becomes overwhelmed, frustrated, and cleans up. People with ADD have to be careful to not become hoarders. It’s hard for a person with ADD to keep things in order because their brain doesn’t function in an orderly manner.
16. They need space to pace
When talking on the phone or having a conversation, people with ADD think better when they are in motion. Movement is calming and brings clarity to their thoughts.
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17. They avoid tasks
Making decisions or completing tasks on time is a struggle. Not because they are lazy or irresponsible, but because their minds are full of options and possibilities. Choosing one can be problematic. It’s easy to avoid making decisions because they are over-thinkers. They obsess and dwell in the depths of their own minds.
18. They can’t remember simple tasks
Another paradoxical trait of ADD is memory. People with ADD can’t remember to pick up their clothes at the cleaners, milk at the grocery store, or appointments. On the other hand; they remember every comment, quote, and phone number they heard during the day. No matter how many post-its or calendar reminders they set; their distracted mind is always elsewhere. Visible items are easier to remember. That’s why they have fifteen windows open on their desktop.
19. They have many tasks going on at the same time
Due to the constant activity in their mind, once a task is finished, they are ready to move on to the next task without closing up the prior task. The more going on at once, the better. Multi-tasking is one of their favorite activites.
20. They are passionate about everything they do
The emotions, thoughts, words, and touch of a person with ADD is powerful. Everything is magnified. This is a blessing when channeled properly. When a person with ADD does something, they do it with their heart and soul. They give it all they’ve got. They are intense, perceptive, and deep. This quality is what makes the person with ADD so lovable.
Basically, a person with ADD/ADHD has trouble controlling their impulses. They also have many awesome qualities that you will enjoy once you understand how they think and feel. Compassion, empathy and patience will carry you through the most difficult times. It’s important to take extra care of yourself; take alone time regularly, do what you enjoy, find a support group, a therapist or a compassionate wise friend, take frequent vacations, meditate, find hobbies and your own passion. Most of all, learn how to breathe.
Some of the greatest inventors, artists, musicians, entrepreneurs, and writers had ADD/ADHD. They succeeded because they had a loved one just like you supporting them through their daily struggles. Replace your anger with compassion. Realize how they struggle to do what comes easy to you. Think of the ADD brain, as one with electrical wiring in the wrong circuits. Next time you think that they are lazy, irresponsible, disorganized, and avoiding responsibilities; try to remember how hard they have to work extra hard to achieve a simple task.
Yes, ADD/ADHD people are hard to love, but once you understand the burden they are carrying, your heart will open up. Love and compassion will take the place of anger. You will see into their sweet and good soul.
Why do we get jealous?We see our partner across the room, having fun with someone else doing the things we would otherwise want them to do and instead of being happy for them, we get bitter and ruin the mood by our jealousy. Especially so if the person whose company our partner seems to be enjoying that much is female.
Is it because we don’t trust our partner? Is it because we don’t trust that woman?
While the answer to either or both of those questions might sometimes be a yes, more often than not it is a no. Why would we be with someone whom we don’t trust anyway, and why would we suspect the motives of a woman who might genuinely have no questionable motives and who we, under different circumstances might actually like?
Which brings me to another question that I will leave for you to answer; is jealousy the product of a false sense of entitlement?
More often than not, jealousy doesn’t have quite as much to do with your partner as much as it has to do with you. If you have tendencies to be not just jealous, but also defensive, take a deep breath and hear me out before you close this tab proclaiming this to be utter nonsense.
I’m no psychologist or behavioral analyst, but from personal experience and from observing other people in relationships, I have concluded that the main reason for jealousy is a feeling of inferiority or inadequacy, or even the consequence of putting your partner up on a pedestal.
You see your partner as a ‘God-like’ being who is the epitome of perfection; either because they were there for you through something that bonded you very closely to them (now making you the one with more to lose if they don’t feel as attached to you as you to them) or because they possess qualities that you respect but have never been able to cultivate. Or you might even believe that their physical appearance wouldn’t normally land them with ‘a person like you’.
If you notice, even this tendency stems out of a feeling of inferiority, which is never a healthy base for any relationship. Seeing yourself as lesser and placing your partners needs above yours can never make for a fully functional, satisfying relationship, as jealousy is inevitable when you believe that your partner can
a) Do so much better than you
b) Get anyone he wants
because you see him as perfect and don’t understand why someone else wouldn’t.
In a situation where your issues aren’t being manifested through a tendency of putting your partner on a pedestal, insecurity directly manifests itself in a show of ‘over-attachment’, which is colloquial for clinginess or neediness.
You get clingy or needy because you believe that another person has a chance with your partner, because you see the other person as being better than yourself. In this case your jealousy finds socially acceptable reasons to be publicly (or even privately) manifested and more often than not, we believe those reasons to soothe our pride, which would otherwise be battered.
Unlike most issues couples have, jealousy, which if goes unchecked or becomes a chronic tendency, has the ability to wreck a relationship which otherwise would have had the potential to grow stronger and be successful.
Now that you know this, you might want to make certain changes to your method of coping with a sudden surge of emotions that you usually feel when you know you’re getting jealous; and like most issues the ‘green eyed monster’ can be overcome if you try hard enough.
1. For starters, you’ve got to understand your style of attachment with your parents or primary caregiver. Was it secure? Anxious? Avoidant? Once you’ve got that figured out you’ll know which areas you can work on and make a conscious effort to avoid falling into past patterns. It might be hard initially because it is after all an attempt to change your lifestyle, but it isn’t impossible.
2. The second thing you can do is figure out if the reason you’re getting jealous is because this situation reminds you of a situation from past experience which didn’t turn out well. If yes, then is the person you’re with reminiscent of the person you were in that situation with? If not, there’s nothing to worry about and you’re on your guard only because of a whiff of ghosts from your past. If this person is reminiscent of that person, though, rethink why you are together if they possess the same undesirable tendencies of your previous partner.
3. Once you’re certain that the reason for your jealousy has no concrete root in the outside world, look within and work on yourself. Do you think lesser of yourself? Do you underestimate your abilities? Do you mask your sense of inferiority under thundering claims of superiority over the rest of the population? If any of this is true, work on the area you believe you need to develop. Whether it’s your physical appearance, the way you speak, the amount you read, general awareness, sociability, whatever it might be. If you try to get better at something, you can, and nobody should be allowed to tell you otherwise.
4. If you believe that you need to meet people to feel more confident about yourself, go out and find something you love doing. Don’t just pretend to be doing something you love to prove a point to someone or show someone down, do what genuinely makes you happy. When you’re busy with your own life, you will have less time to overthink and hence even lesser time to burn in jealousy everytime someone likes his or her profile picture.
5. Trust your partner. They aren’t always seeking someone else or looking for an opportunity to cheat. If they’re with you, its because they appreciate you and when you understand that, you won’t find the need to be jealous even if he interacts with pretty, accomplished women all day long. Stop comparing, because you aren’t competing with anyone else for his affections.
Everything starts from within and starts with an initiative; If you must cut off toxicity from your life in the form of people, social media, apps, et al, do it without thinking twice.
When you’re less burdened by jealousy, not just your relationship, but even your life will begin to make you truly happy because you then will not be limiting either your partner or yourself from reaching your true potential.
Before the advent of the internet, the only real job opportunities for those who wanted to work from home were stay-at-home parent, artist or craftsman. The only way to utilize your skills and earn some money was to get out of the house and clock in from nine to five. There wasn’t much need for writers or web designers, but as technology grew a whole new job market opened up. Nowadays, you can sit down at the computer with a cup of coffee and a bag of donuts by your side, and look up job opportunities on one of the many freelance websites like Elance, Freelancer, Odesk and Guru. We will take a quick look at the most popular and lucrative jobs that you can do from home and ways of starting your freelance career.
1. Writer
Being a freelance writer doesn’t just mean writing books and trying to get them published – there are many opportunities for writing articles for blogs on various topics, writing page content for websites, product reviews, technical documents and much more. There are currently 263,700 writers on Elance; 24,177 on oDesk and over 180,000 on Guru, making this one of the most popular freelance jobs. You can create a profile on any of these platforms and get started.
2. Editor
Where there is a need for a huge number of writers, there will be a need for a great deal of editing. You can edit posts for big blogs before they are published, edit website content, e-books, etc. There are currently thousands of freelance editors, many offering both editorial and writing services so it’s difficult to pinpoint an exact number, and people with good grammar skills are in high demand. Look for opportunities on one of the freelance platforms or contact administrators of large blogs and magazines to try and find an editorial position.
3. Translator
With over 180,000 writers and translators on Guru and over 15,000 translators on Elance with a four star or higher rating, you won’t find it too difficult to land a job as a translator if you do a bit of looking around. Translating from Chinese, Spanish, French and German to English and vice versa is the most common type of job available, however there are tons of different opportunities, so if you are bilingual there is plenty of work for you.
4. Consultant
Business, legal, web and marketing consultants are fairly well represented in the online world of freelancing, with thousands of consulting-related jobs on Guru, and over 12,000 highly-ranked consultants on Elance. There is a very wide spectrum of consulting jobs available in different fields, from legal to SEO and IT, so it shouldn’t be difficult to find a job offering best suited to your particular skills.
5. Engineer
It may surprise you just how many engineering jobs there are available online. There have been 832,465 engineering projects on Freelancer as of now, and there are well over 300 engineering jobs at any given time on oDesk, with nearly 1,500 highly ranked engineers on Elance, making these platforms a perfect place for a budding engineer to offer their skills.
6. Customer service representative
This is a very popular job title for companies to outsource, so it’s no surprise that there is a huge market for customer service reps online. There are currently over 60,000 freelancers doing this type of work on oDesk and nearly 1,000 highly ranked customer service reps on Elance, and there is plenty of work for everyone.
7. Sales representative
The online job market for sales reps is fairly large, yet there aren’t as many people offering these services, so there is less competition to worry about. There are a little over 8,000 sales reps on oDesk and under 200 highly ranked freelancers with skill sets related to sales and marketing.
8. Software developer
The job market for software developers is vast and ever expanding, so there is always room for more skilled people with experience in this line of work and like to work from home. There are nearly 30,000 mobile developers alone on Elance, and nearly 60,000 software developers on oDesk, nearly 30,000 of which are ranked over 4.5 stars, but despite all that competition many new developers are earning a decent living.
9. Case manager
As far as case managers are concerned, there is plenty of opportunity online, as there aren’t a lot of highly qualified freelancers with the right skills and background for this line of work. There are currently over 3,000 freelancers fitting this description on oDesk, but there are a number of telecommuting opportunities that you can find by doing a few simple online searches and combing through a few job websites.
10. Web designer
Web designers are all the rage right now, as many small business, companies and individuals are taking their business online. From small online shops and blogs to big company websites, everyone needs a good web designer, so it’s no surprise that there are over 40,000 web designers on oDesk; 24,000 with a rating of over 4.5 stars, and over 30,000 web designers with a rating over 4 stars on Elance.
11. Data entry
Data entry work is something a lot of people can make some good money doing – it’s not incredibly complicated and this type of work is often outsourced by companies, so there are many job opportunities. Add to that the fact that you can work from home and have flexible hours, and it’s easy to see why there are so many people interested in this type of work. There are over 85,000 data entry specialists on oDesk, and over 9,000 highly ranked data entry specialists on Elance, and a whopping 149,000 results for data entry services on Guru.
12. Recruiting coordinator
If you have good people and communication skills, the position of recruiting coordinator may be just the thing for you. You can find the right people for a given job by doing some online detective work, checking resumes and weeding out the bad apples, which can be an interesting and lucrative job. The best place to look is Elance, with over 2,000 highly ranked recruiters, and oDesk, with nearly 8,000.
13. Teacher
You can teach people a variety of subjects online, from language to math and all things in between, and all you really need is a good internet connection, web cam and some type of certificate that proves that you are qualified to teach. Even without proper qualifications you may be able to teach English as a second language if you are a native speaker. There are over 7,000 teachers on oDesk; over 3,000 highly ranked teachers on Elance and around 4,000 teachers on Guru. You can also look at websites like Tutor, which offer exclusively work-from-home teaching jobs.
14. Online personal trainer
If you are a seasoned gym rat, with years of strength training under your belt and have a recognized certificate, you can try to find new clientele online. There are currently over 9,000 fitness trainers on Guru, only around 200 on oDesk and nearly 400 fitness experts ranked four star and above on Elance. Many personal trainers also market themselves through YouTube and social networks, a personal website or blog through which they sell programs or coach clients via Skype.
15. Entertainer
We’ve touched on the subject of YouTube as a viable way of marketing ones skills, but a YouTube channel can be a source of income in its own right. If you have a great, likeable personality and have a good amount of knowledge on a subject or are funny and creative, you can build a popular YouTube channel and live comfortably off the ad revenue and eventual sponsorship deals. There are no strict rules here, but you need to be either very informative, creative or funny – the combination of the three works best – and devoted. You’ll need to put up videos daily at first, promote yourself through social networks and patiently grow your channel with every new subscriber and with each viewing of one of your videos.
For the skilled and hard-working person looking to earn a living working from home, there are plenty of opportunities. The online freelance job market is a vast ocean, and there is plenty of room and money for everyone. Find something that you are skilled, talented or experienced at, and there will be someone looking for your service – you just have to find them and stay one step ahead of the competition.
