15 Important Things Kids Should Know by Age 15

A few years ago, my own mum gave me a copy of a parenting book. I was both amused and highly indignant at the same time. Now a few years have passed and I must say I have on more than one occasion resorted to looking through “that” book!

Lets face it, I am not Supermom. I don’t have all the answers, and unfortunately, although I would like to take tears and heartbreak away from my kids, I know this is all part of growing up and dealing with the complexities and challenges of life. There are some journeys I can travel with them and there are some they must go alone.

Looking forward into the not too distant future, if I was to come up with a list of what kids should know by the time they are 15, it would be the following.

1. “Parents are people too and why I will never be your best friend.”
I will never be your best friend. I am so much more that that. I am your greatest supporter, a devout lover of you since the moment you were born, and that will never change, no matter what you say or do. I will never give up on you, abandon or forget about you. However, I have my own life too and would like to enjoy it! Yes, I have a sense of humor too. It helps!

2. “Think for yourself, that’s why you have your own brain.”
As a parent, I may try to guide and influence you when you struggle to make decisions that I believe are in your best interest. But I do want you to think for yourself, to use your brain more, make decisions that are right for you instead of caving in to peer pressure, and going against your better judgment and willpower. Easier said than done, I know, but I just have to say it.

3. “There will always be problems: focus, focus, focus!”
Yes, focus on the problem not the person, if it is a person who created the problem in the first place. That way, it is easier to leave emotions out of the problem. The problem loses some of its complexity and it becomes more manageable. If any problem seems insurmountable — I am here to help.

4. “It’s not the end of the world.”
It take guts to own up and take responsibility when you mess up. As adults we still struggle with it, and believe me there are some adults who will never grow up and admit they were wrong. They still play the blame game. Please do not be one of those people. It is not the end of the world. It is just another lesson in life to learn from and move on. This reminds me of a saying I heard recently: “I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I am thinking of making a few more.”

5. “Remember what you are good at.”
Success means different things to different people. Create your own personal success story knowing what you are good at, what you want to be better at, and what you feel you should be better at! Above all, you are good at so many things. If you ever are in doubt, come ask me!

6. “You are unique. Yes, there is only one of you.”
Do you know how awesome that is. Think of the billions of people in this world and yet you stand unique, a one of a kind. You are not me. Don’t try to be me. I don’t want you to be me. I will try to be a positive role model for you, but I am not perfect either. This is your life, please live it fully, joyfully and in the best way that celebrates everything that is wonderful about you.

7. “Let your voice be heard, but in the right way.”
The power of words can heal, harm, uplift, inspire. I could go on and on, but it really comes down to this: Let your voice be heard, but in the right way. Say what needs to be said but do it in such a way that it is tactful, considerate and never with malice. There are so many ways to communicate and let your thoughts and feelings be known. Choose wisely my child.

8. “Sex and relationships: yes, there is a difference.”
I know this is not something you may be ready to talk about now but I’ll say it anyway. I hope it will mean more to you when you reach this point in time. Yes, there is a difference between sex and relationships. Sex is simply the physical acting out of an expression and that expression isn’t always love or carried out in a loving way. To enter into a relationship with someone there should be a situation where there is mutual respect, healthy interest, patience, love, consideration, and of keeping your relationship exclusive and to yourselves only. I hope this makes sense to you and it will save you from being badly hurt or from hurting another.

9. “Social media alert!”
Oh yes, if you are about to make a mistake or do something you may later regret, think again! You may have it shoved in your face and be constantly haunted, taunted and reminded of any wrongdoing you were involved in long after it took place! Be aware, be careful. Friends may not always be friends when it comes to social media. Be clued in and stay safe.

10. “A whole bag of emotions.”
Being a teen, I know you may find it hard to relate to me, but I still have a few brain cells left working that allow me to remember what I was like at your age! Its like being on an emotional roller coaster and you can’t always get off or even know how to. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever and things will settle down. Just try as best as you can to show an awareness of your feelings and emotions and how they affect you and those around you.

11. “Why respect can be your greatest ally.”
You may not feel very special or unique, but every part of you — your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being — thrives and is in balance when you show respect for yourself. You should also expect respect from others, not in a pushy, aggressive or challenging way, but in a way that shows you think highly of yourself and so should everyone else.

12. “Learning is not all about the boring stuff.”
There are so many ways to learn, and it’s not always found in textbooks. Be open and receptive to learning from others who are positive role models, learning from situations both positive and negative, learning from your parents — yes, your parents — and simply learning by experiencing life.

13. “Show me the money!”
Sure, having money is a valuable asset, but that’s all it is. Money isn’t elusive. It is something you can get and I encourage you to go get your own. Become more financially independent but to do so in a way that is within the law and won’t come back to haunt you. Of course, feel free to share it with me and we will agree never to discuss how expensive it is to raise a child! Cha-ching!

14. “Do you really need all this stuff?”
Gadgets, gizmos, or what I like to call “stuff”, do you really need it all? I know back in my youth, I had less and I was happy. I know that is hard for you to understand. Please just think about it. Do they really make you happier or do they make you feel like you never have enough?

15. “Keep a love for life.”
Please don’t ever fall out of love with life. Everything you need for a rich, fulfilling and rewarding life is there for you. Nobody owes it to you, but you owe it to yourself to make your life the best life possible. Find your passion for life and use this passion to motivate you to greatness.

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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After I Read This I Decided Not To Say These Things To My Kids Anymore

Are you a nagging parent who is always expressing opinions which reflect an overcritical attitude? Maybe your remarks sound harsh and discouraging and yet you never realized it. Perhaps you are alarming your kids unnecessarily. Maybe you are using comments which are totally ineffective. Read these 15 remarks which are unhelpful and at times hurtful. And discover what to say instead.

1. “Quit dawdling.”
You are under pressure to meet the deadline for getting out of the house on time. Your kid dawdles and takes ages to get ready. According to parenting experts, this message puts unnecessary pressure on the child. It is much better to say that you are going to have a race to get your shoes on. This helps the child develop time awareness skills through play, according to Miriam Stoppard, the author of Baby’s First Skills. You can also try to simply say, “Let’s get a move on.”

2. “I’m too fat.”
Kids do not need to hear all your obsessions about your own body image. If they do, they may become far too conscious of their own shape and become fixated, especially if they are on the chubby or skinny side. Talk about healthy eating and why you prefer certain foods. Avoid saying that certain foods make you fat. Try saying things like, “We’re eating greens because they really make us feel good.”

3. “Don’t talk to strangers.”
If you tell them this all the time, they will grow up fearful and overly suspicious. They will have to be exposed to risk at some point and learn how to deal with it. It is much better to teach them that most people, even if strangers, can be trusted. They can trust policemen, librarians and other public officials. It is much better to warn them about certain suspicious behavior which should put them on their guard instead of about strangers in general. Warn them about people asking them for help. It is preferable to act out scenarios by asking them what they would do, for example, “What would you do if …”, quoting one of the scenarios you have practised.

4. “No ice cream unless you finish up your spinach.”
There is no point in using threats or bribes at mealtimes. It spoils the enjoyment of food for everybody. Perhaps we should be more relaxed about it. Susie Orbach, the author of Fat Is A Feminist Issue says that parental anxiety about food can lead to food disorders. We have to get the balance right between obsessing over calories and insisting that the child eats healthily. Try a remark such as, “This tastes really good, it’s similar to X that you really like.”

5. “Use your words.”
The problem with telling your child to brush up her vocabulary and try to express her feelings verbally is, that it may make the child feel uncomfortable and inadequate. It is probably still too early to expect them to remember all the words you have taught them. The parenting gurus rightly tell us that reading aloud to kids is one of the best ways to teach new words.

It is much better to say, “Are you feeling x or y…?” and “Let’s think about it.” so that you help them with using the new or difficult word. It also helps you to bond with your child. Otherwise, they will begin to feel that life at home is one long examination.

6. “Don’t spill your milk.”
This is a negative command, just like “Don’t run” or “Don’t touch the oven.” The problem with using negative commands is that they give the child no idea of what he or she should do instead! They actually put the wrong ideas into their heads and they are even more likely to touch the hot oven. A much better approach is to say something like, “Be careful with your glass of milk.” Or “Stay away from the oven.”

7. “Let me help.”
If you say and do this often enough, your child will never be able to solve problems on his own. Offering to help all the time is undermining the kid’s independence and may even interfering negatively with his or her development. They will never develop resilience, build skills or learn patience, as Daniel Coyle has suggested in this blog post. It is much better to ask a guiding question or make a suggestion. You can always say, “Have you tried using the bigger blocks?” when a child is trying to solve a puzzle.

8. “You can cry all night.”
This harsh attitude is damaging to the child because there is no way she can get comfort or affection. According to psychologists, it is always important to take care of the child’s needs before desperation and distress set in. Many parents believe that taking this tough stance will lead to a more independent child. Actually, according to psychologists, the opposite is true and the child will grow up insecure. They recommend that soothing care should be timely. You can read them a story or repeat a nursery rhyme to them.

9. “What a smart kid you are.”
This is not enough to encourage a child in developing her self-esteem and confidence. These phrases which are blank statements do not focus on how the child actually achieved what he or she did. This is the view of Susan Newman, a social psychologist and parenting coach. A much better approach is to praise the child’s efforts and strategies. You could say, “I really liked the colors you chose for the picture of the house,” or “That was great when you passed the ball for the winning goal.”

10. “Wait until your father/mother gets home.”
If you resort to these tactics, you are probably not on the same page as your spouse in regards of discipline. Even worse, there may be a “good cop, bad cop” atmosphere which your kid will exploit for all its worth. It is a much better idea to deal with the discipline issue immediately and tell the child why. For example, you can say, “You are getting a time out because you hit your brother.”

11. “You’re okay.”
If your kid is hurt and is crying, you may think the above remark is reassuring. It is not nearly enough to put things right as the child is in shock and needs support. You cannot brush it aside like that. A much more supportive comment would be, “Wow, that was a nasty fall.” Then you can offer first aid and a kiss to make it better.

12. “You should set a good example for your brother or sister.”
The problem here is that the older kids are a bit jealous of the all the attention the younger siblings get from their parents. This may result in bad behavior or just being difficult. Instead of criticizing a one-off, you could praise his usual behavior. You can say, “You know, your brother sees you as a good role model.”

13. “Don’t worry, that is not going to affect you at all.”
When kids watch national tragedies or wars and terrorism on TV, they naturally become worried and fretful. It may be a good idea to limit exposure to such events. But we have to be careful not to brush their fears aside nor try to brush it under the carpet. Talk about the safety procedures or emergency plans that are in place. You can say, “Mom and Dad will always be around to keep you safe so do not fret.”

14. “Don’t cry.”
If your child is upset about the death of a pet or some other tragedy, this remark is not helpful. It is not sufficient. It is important to tell them that it is perfectly normal to let it all out by crying but telling them to stop is not being supportive. A much better approach is to help them recognize that they are sad and that crying can help to express the sadness. You can say, “It’s normal to cry when someone dies. Let me give you a hug.”

15. “If you don’t clean your room, you will be punished.” Another threat using the rather menacing word ‘if’. Most parenting experts warn us that using too many threats or warnings is not the way to implement positive parenting. Too many warnings may result in a rather hostile atmosphere and it will be difficult to enjoy a happy home. It is much better to say something beginning with the word, ‘when.’ You could say, “When you have cleaned your room, then you can go out to play/watch TV.”

Do you have any tips on positive parenting that you would like to pass on to our readers?

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Why Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve Makes You The Bravest

I’ve always been the sensitive type. The type who feels everything all at once, as their heart is the first to the scene every time. The ones who get overwhelmed and burnt out faster than every one else, who need alone time to sort out what is theirs and what is everyone else’s. The ones who rush into love and hurry into guilt and run into hate.

We’re the feelers in a world of rational thinkers.

It’s only natural that this distinct part of my personality played such a key role into my depression. I felt sad. I was sad until it overwhelmed all of my other senses. My heart hurt as if it had been spending its time dragging on the floor behind me. I was constantly crying, even when crying didn’t make sense. I was angry about nothing. My skin felt like it was on fire with the world around me. I was tired of feeling and my feelings were tired of me.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve no longer seemed romantic; it seemed like some kind of curse.
Hearts on sleeves meant being broken. Being broken meant being unloved. Being unloved meant being unworthy. Being unworthy meant my heart was too much. I had started an endless cycle of self-hate.

Now if my brain had been in the picture, I’m sure he could have argued a really good defense. I’m sure he could point out all the things I had going for me—a decent amount of talent, good friends, and a promising future. However being the sensitive type meant my brain was the shy kid in the back of the classroom who never raised his hand even though he knew all of the answers. He sat in the back knowing all about hope and promise, but being too shy to say that he was right.
Nowadays as my heart surges with the weighted pressure of exams, of relationships, and of feeling misunderstood. When this happens my brain waits patiently for his turn to speak. My heart pounds and groans with its displeasure as my brain takes in the surroundings, thinks, and lets my heart exhaust itself. Then he speaks.

My brain finds the silver lining in the grayest of storm clouds. He gently reminds me that this isn’t the end of the world, to think of the other side of the story, or to try to imagine the big picture. Of course I’m exhausted from my heart’s tantrums, but I listen to his calm and steady words of encouragement: you will survive this just as you have survived every moment before.

I’ll forever be a sensitive and vulnerable soul. It’s a natural, engrained part of my personality, and one that I’m able to channel in order to keep an open mind and a ready heart.

After years of practice it has taught me to go that extra mile, to care endlessly for those I love, to be honest and vulnerable, and to be loyal to what I believe in.
There is something admirable about the ones who wear their hearts on their sleeves. It is us who take in the world at its lowest, see it for what it is, and dare to love it anyway. For in our weakest moments, we are simply explorers learning another valley that has yet to be discovered. In our stronger moments, we dare to love the things that are ordinary or carelessly forgotten.

It is a wonderful gift to care abundantly and to feel freely. Even when these gifts produce the side effect of exhaustion and sadness, we have the blessing of being able to love wholeheartedly with an awareness of the world. It may mark us with depression. It may taint a number of good days. It may give us false hope and shallow promises. We may feel alone and misunderstood. The bad parts may seem to be exaggerated under the weight of endless longing and ever present melancholy as we try our best to hold on.

As we learn to balance our emotions and rationale, we can find pleasure in wearing our hearts, our stories, and our hopes on our sleeves.
It is us—the ones who have spent nights on the bathroom floor crying ourselves to sleep, that find light in a good cup of coffee and a sunny morning. We are the lovers in a world of second guessers, who look beyond damaged covers to read enlightening stories. We are the dreamers in a world of nightmares, giving ourselves hope during the storm. We are the caregivers, who give all that we have in order to feel good.

We are the feelers in a world of thinkers, who dare to feel despite knowing that we may get hurt before we fall back asleep.

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How to Overcome Bouts of Depression

Depression is a seriously hard thing to overcome. Many people get it only once in their lifetime. Other people get bouts of depression again and again, which makes life hard living. However, there are certain steps you can take to overcome depression bouts and alleviate the pain and suffering that stems from it.

I hope these steps will inspire you to live the kind of  life you really want to live. I hope you can overcome these depression bouts once and for all. I hope you can live like a free bird without a cage.

I have come from the depths of depression. I know I have come out with many difficulties. I know that you never give up. You will continue fighting until you get the life you want! Just keep your fingers crossed, your motivation in check, and everything will be fine. You are not alone. You will never be alone.

1. Redirect Thoughts
Redirect your thoughts so you focus more on the positive instead of the negative. Pondering the negative will lead you nowhere. Instead, focus on all the positives in you life. They will help you lead a more balanced life full of content, happiness, and laughter. Every time you think of something negative, think of all you can be grateful for. It may be the house you currently have, the family you have, food you have, or even the job you have. If you think about it, many people don’t have these commodities that z lot of us take for granted.

We sometimes hope and crave and wish for so much that we forget the gifts that are in front of us every single day of our lives. They are indeed special, but we tend to overlook them sometimes. If only we would be able to see the wonderful things right in front of us, then these bouts of depression would never come to haunt our very lives.

So, every time you think of something negative, make it into something positive and inspirational. It should help you relieve the anxiety, pain, and negativity that depression gives you. It will no doubt help you feel stronger and in charge of your depression. So, try it! It will surely help you. I try it every single day. I must say it does wonders in transporting the mind from the negative into the positive.

2. Have Something Planned Every Weekend To Unwind Your Mind
When something is planned every weekend, there is a channel that gives you happiness of any kind to look forward to. You can plan a weekend at the beach, amusement park, museum, or aquarium. Go ahead and do anything that makes you happy!

When we look forward to something, it builds excitement, thrill, and fun in our bodies. It helps us become a child once again, anticipating what is to unfold. Curiosity can be a wonderful thing to have, especially for those trying to recover from the grips of depression, and those that constantly battle it everyday.

I am telling you from experience, if you have something planned for the weekend after such a lengthy week at the work, your depression will start going away and diminish each passing day. I tell you from my own experience because I have battled severe depression. Bouts can be so bad it makes you unable to get out of bed, work, eat, or sleep. However, once you start enjoying life, and looking forward to planned adventures the symptoms begin to fade.

3. Have a Routine
When you have a routine, you always can look forward to something. When you have a plan in mind, you will get ready, and your hopes go up with high expectations. This will lead you to forgo your depression, get active, and hopefully begin to forget about what is bothering you.

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out For Help
There is someone out there who can and will help. You could go talk with a psychiatrist, friend, or relative. If you feel yourself slipping into serious depression, then make sure you go see a doctor or professional if need be.

There is no shame in admitting that you are in a downfall. The brave come out and say they are having a hard time dealing with these struggles by seeking help, because they want to make the most out of the life they have been given. Make sure you seek help when you can. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with seeking help. Doctors, friends, and relatives are there for a reason. They are there for celebration in each of our lives. They’re here for us when we need major help.

Depression is also one of those major times when you must rely on family and friends. So, go out and seek help if you need it. You are brave in doing so. Who doesn’t want to show courage when times are not on our side! Just take that one step towards your freedom and happiness. You will feel much better in the end. I can guarantee that from my personal experience as I have gone through hell and back.

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10 Things Parents Can Do To Make Their Kids Highly Successful

Wanting the best for your children is a universal goal for all good parents. The best home, the best upbringing, the best school, the best life… Great parents simply want their children to have the optimum chance of success. Regardless of outside influences, all parents can instil values in their children to ensure they grow up to be healthy, responsible, successful adults.

1. Teach respect
Parents should instil a sense of respect in their children. Not just respect for all human beings and living things (although this is obviously important), but respect for everything in the world. Parents should show their children the value of respect as well; you earn respect by giving it out unconditionally. Teaching children to respect all aspects of life leads them to appreciate everything they have, and to learn the value of working to earn more.

2. Teach tolerance
Children need to learn how to tolerate all other human beings on the planet. It does no good to look down on others; rather children should learn to help their fellow man when in need – since they may find themselves in need of help one day. Also, children should learn to tolerate those who have wronged them, and learn to understand why this may be (such as the bully who takes lunch money from others because his mom can’t afford to pack a lunch for him at all). There are things in this world that cannot be changed, and children that learn this will learn how to deal with these situations as best they can whenever they arise.

3. Teach responsibility
Parents should teach their children how to be responsible for their actions. It’s important for them to understand that what they do or say has far-reaching consequences, and whether or not these consequences are positive are negative is up to them. By going easy on your children when they do wrong, you ultimately are doing a disservice to them. It may be hard to discipline them, but keep the long run in mind. As adults, their actions will have much more serious consequences if they do wrong. On the other hand, teaching your children that positive actions result in positive rewards will put them on the path to success.

4. Teach self-control
Children who learn how to control themselves will quickly become independent adults. Children who constantly have to be told to do their homework or clean their room rather than doing it on their own will eventually get lost when they find themselves living alone for the first time. Children should learn money management at a young age, and learn how to prioritize their resources (including their time), so when their parents are no longer around, they are not left wandering aimlessly. Keeping control during extraordinarily tough times is also important, so they do not dig themselves into a deeper hole by acting in a way that negatively affects them and those around them.

5. Teach honesty
Children need to learn to be honest, with others and with themselves. An honest child will grow into a trustworthy adult whose career will flourish. It’s incredibly important to instil in children the idea that, even if they do something they weren’t supposed to, it’s better to tell the truth about it rather than lie to avoid punishment. Children will make mistakes, but lying is not a mistake – it’s a conscious effort to outsmart an elder, which is disrespectful on many levels. Children should also be honest with themselves to continue improving on a daily basis. As they become more independent, they must be able to honestly look at aspects of their lives and analyze their choices. By being honest with themselves, children will continue to grow long after their parents can help them.

6. Teach integrity
Having a high-paying job, a huge mansion, and beautiful sports car means absolutely nothing if they were gained through ill-gotten ways. On the other hand, having a modest home, a car that gets you from A to B, and a job that pays the bills is a true picture of success when it was earned through hard work and dedication. Children need to learn the difference between society’s vision of success and their own. Just like they need to learn to be honest even when they know they’ll get away with lying, children also need to learn to have integrity; they must always do what’s right, even when no one’s around. Whether or not you instil religious beliefs in them, teach your children the value of the angel on their shoulders, and how to squash the proverbial devil on the other.

7. Teach perseverance
So many children are so scared of not doing well that they never try. This applies to homework, tests, new hobbies, asking girls out, applying for a first job… kids are much more scared of the world than you think. Teach your kids that it’s totally okay to fail. What isn’t okay is letting life pass you by without ever trying. Be there to catch your children when they fall. Help them get up, dust them off, and throw them back into the fray. They need to know that failure is not the end of something, but is one of the many pathways to success. Their dream life will never simply “come true,” but they can earn it with hard work and perseverance.

8. Teach gratitude
Teach your children to be grateful each and every day, for the things they have, and the people who care about them. Show them how to give thanks, such as doing chores without being asked, spending time with a relative, or writing a thank you note to a teacher for no special reason other than to give them credit for the hard work they do. Being grateful reinforces the idea that each of us has a civic duty to one another. Children who understand this will grow to be an integral part of their community, and will be valued by society since they are always focused on what they can do to help others.

9. Teach life skills
In between instilling values and teaching life lessons, parents also must remember to teach life skills to their children. Teach them how to wash dishes, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, change a tire, or use a snow plow. Make them do it, so they aren’t hit with the shock of having to do it all when they (finally!) move out. Teach them to make a list of errands to do on a daily basis, so even when they “don’t have anything to do,” there’s still ways they can improve their lives. They might resent you for the time being while you’re showing them how to unclog a sink and their friends are outside playing, but they will appreciate it when they don’t have to call a plumber every few weeks when they own their own home.

10. Be a role model
Absolutely none of this can be done if you, as the parent, don’t model it for them. “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work (because the second you’re not around, they’ll be doing whatever they want). Be the person you want your child to be. In fact, be a better person than you’ve ever been in your life, if only for the benefit of your children. It is definitely hard work, but raising a model citizen is the most rewarding thing you can possibly do to boost your own confidence. Raising a child that can go out and make something of himself independently is the true definition of success.

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Under Pressure? 6 Ways to Stay Cool, Calm, and Collected

Your presentation, audition, or job interview starts at 10am, but a few minutes before, you start to feel like the clock’s a few ticks away from High Noon. It’s a good thing you used extra deodorant because you’re feeling the heat.

If you’re one of those people who think that they always rise to the occasion, you’re wrong! 25 years of research from around the globe indicates that the overwhelming majority of individuals perform below their capabilities in a highly pressure scenario. This is categorized as a situation in which   they have something at stake and the outcome is dependent on their performance.

Specifically, experiencing pressure downgrades your ability to access cognitive success tools: memory, attention, comprehension, judgment and decision making. Pressure also diminishes your psychomotor skills; these skills include your golf swing, or the ability to walk up to the podium —stumble, trip, crash!

You don’t have to crumble under pressure; you just have to immunize yourself to its injurious effects. Here are some “pressure solutions” that will help you to be cool, calm, and collected so you can do your best when it matters most:

Write off the pressure

Preparing yourself to give your best presentation or readying yourself for your Monday morning interview starts Sunday night, or the night before any pressure scenario. Pressure often derails you by filling your mind with distracting and anxiety-arousing thoughts, such as “What if I can’t get a job?” or, “I wonder if these clients like me.”

These thoughts have nothing to do with the facts that you need to present, but they do make you lose focus. This will make it harder for you to recall the facts that you need to have at your fingertips. You only have so much space in your working memory, and worried thoughts take up the space that you need for your presentation information, or facts about your previous jobs. Studies show that you can minimize the likelihood of worrisome thoughts surfacing during your presentation if you write down your anxieties about giving a poor presentation the night before. In effect, you are getting them out of your system.

Adopt a low-pressure mindset

Individuals who don’t crumble under pressure hold a particular mindset that minimizes feelings of pressure and allows them to approach their presentations with confidence– not trepidation.

A presentation is a positive event. Individuals often “choke” because they interpret the presentation or crucial conversation as a threatening event, a perception that increases anxiety and fear. Telling yourself that every presentation is an opportunity, challenge, and a fun change of pace will decrease feelings of pressure and allow you to enjoy the experience and do your best. Build these words into your thinking and use them when you think of a pressure-filled scenario.

A presentation to important clients or an interview for your dream job is very important, but telling yourself that “it’s a chance of a lifetime” will make you think that it’s a “do or die” moment. This will only intensify your feelings of pressure. Instead, remind yourself that this one of many opportunities that will come your way. It’s not a “must game.” Doing so will keep you calm and make it easier for you to focus on doing your best.

Anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

What if your power break glitches?

What if several members of your audience leave abruptly?

What if you’re told your interview is a group interview five minutes before you start?

For most individuals unexpected events cause a pressure surge –a spiked arousal that evokes threatening and defeatist thoughts, causing them to lose their composure, go off-track and miss their mark. It’s like when a golfer can’t recover after an unexpected folly.

Prevent this from happening by anticipating potential mishaps that could surface during your presentation, no matter how slim. Then, mentally rehearse your solutions. Being prepared for anything surges your confidence and that translates into a less pressure-filled presentation.

Clench your left fist

A common factor that prevents individuals from giving presentations are chronic anxiety-arousing thoughts. These thoughts need to be extinguished. Very recent studies show that clenching your left fist a minute before your presentation will do the job for you. This action inhibits the language area in the left hemisphere of your brain that is responsible for these troublesome thoughts and primes the right side of your brain that is responsible for delivering a well-rehearsed skill, such as your presentation. If you are on a golf course, squeeze a ball before each shot and you will find your mind has stopped ruminating about your swing, stance and what your partner thinks of your game. Instead, you’ll just do it! Caveat: you must be right-handed for this to work. Sorry, lefties.

Walk like a champ

Neuroscientists and social psychologists have uncovered plenty of data that indicates how your posture impacts how you feel. Accordingly, experiment with different postures and you’ll note that some make you feel more confident than others. A few minutes before you enter a pressure-filled scenario, walk confidently down the hall or around your office. You’ll feel the difference.

When the time comes to face your audience, use your confidence posture: stand up straight and expand your chest. If sitting, sit up straight –you’ll breathe easier and think more clearly. Confidence will help you to conquer pressure, so it’s smart to remember to walk like a champ.

Affirm your self worth

Step back to realize that your life is not defined by how well you give a presentation, whether you land the job, or how successful you are at work. Individuals who define their self-esteem by how well they do in any given situation allocate themselves a heavy dose of extra pressure, feeling they have to produce results 24/7. Before you go to work, and before every high pressure moment, remind yourself that you are a worthy person independent of your work performance. You’ll feel a reduction in the pressure that you feel and you’ll perform more effectively.

Follow these tips and you’ll find that you’ll be cool, calm, and collected when it matters most. You’ll enjoy your share of successes, and at the same time, take control of pressure-filled situations!

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